Hunter: "Dad, I'm full of imagination. Are you?"

Dad: "No."

Hunter: "Sure you are Dad. You're full of it. Mom, isn't Daddy full of it?"

Mom: "Yes, darlin', Daddy sure is full of it."

Dad: "Watch it."

Mom: "What? I'm just answering him."

Hunter: "See Dad, you are full of it."

Mom: "Yup. He's full of it all right."

And this goes on and on every day for the past few days. Tee hee.

Yup. That's going to be my new name. Or at least if I stick to our Dave Ramsey plan it will be. But I did start today with my thrifty-ness.

We were gifted a Calloway's plant nursery gift card for winning "Yard of the Month" from our home owners association during the winter. After all the springs, summers, and falls of planting flowers, sculpting shrubs and bushes, mowing, edging, etc, and we get YotM in the winter. But I digress. Anyway, I finally used my card today to purchase a few container flowers to put on my backporch underneath my Topsy-Turvy tomatoes and jalepeno plants.

Then, since we did not want to spend money to buy a new patio furniture set, I took an old card table that was in the garage, painted the top of it with paint found in the garage and gave it a new look. But that wasn't enough for me. I cut a hole in the center of the table and placed our porch umbrella in the middle of it an Wham-O! A new patio set. With stuff I already had.

Yup. Just call me Cheapy McCheapskate.

I'm a people watcher. I go to events and I end up watching the people just as much if not more than the event. So, I tend to notice little things that might go unnoticed by the passing glance.

When I was in Jr.High/High School, I started developing knee problems from basketball injuries. My mom took me to a doctor who evaluated my walking. He pointed out that at that time, I turned my feet out to walk (toes going out). This could cause all sorts of problems with my knees, ankles, back, etc. So, rather than spring for the orthopedic shoes (thank you, mom!), we agreed to watch how I walked and work on it.

Now, I notice so often people walking that same way and I always want to stop them and ask if they have knee, ankle, back, etc. issues and let them know to change their walking stance.

But then again, I may just get punched in the nose. I'll just stick with watching for now!

I'm so confused. And tired. You know that feeling you get when you feel like you are the only one in the world going through a particular thing, even though you know you're not, but you still feel like it? Yeah, I'm there. I've been there for a while, but I've just now begun to really break down what is going on.

I have a 7 year old home-schooled son, a 2 year old Princess daughter, and a mostly-work-from-home hubby.

If I manage to find or get invited to a play group with other 2 year olds, my 7 year old son has to tag along and even though he can have fun pretty much where ever he is, he doesn't care for 2 yr old playdates. And the parents of the younger ones don't always seem to be appreciate of his presence. So, Hadyn doesn't get much 2yr old time, Hunter doesn't get much 7yr old time, and no mommy bonding and time out for me in that aspect.

Then the home school activities that he can be around his age group require that I chase my 2 yr old around or is in the afternoon when Hadyn HAS to have naptime (makes a happy child and happy mommy), or is on a day of the week when Dad is off work and we want to spend time with him. So again, not much for Hunter, not much for Hadyn and not much for mommy.

Scott works from home a lot and battles with the guilt of wanting to spend more time with us (so he won't shut his office door) and wanting more space and quiet for his office. Obviously, with all four of us in the house all day nearly everyday, yeah, some stress will build. He wants to move to a bigger house. I don't think that is the answer because all of the above will still be in place.

So, decisions have to be made. We opted for home school due to Scott's work schedule at the time and the fact that he and Hunter never saw each other and it was showing in Hunter's attitude. That was the primary reason. That has changed now and Scott is home more in the afternoons and evenings. School time has been a beating lately with Hunter as he just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I've tried different times of the day - during the morning, but I have to battle with Hadyn needing attention, during the afternoon at her naptime, but Hunter shuts down mentally in the afternoon and just doesn't absorb anything, spreading it out, but then it's harder on all of us. Blah.

I'm just not the Birkinstock-Unschooling-Earth Mama that most of the home-school moms I'm around seem to be, so Hunter going back to public school is not an earth-shattering devastating event that it might be for others. I've also talked to a pre-school director friend about putting Hadyn in school a couple days a week.

Maybe just the space and quiet in the house will calm some things down around here...primarily me. I'd love to have the availability to be invited to do things without hearing "well, we knew you homeschooled so we didn't think you'd have time."

Time, I have. Space and quiet, I don't.

Decisions to make. Confusion over what is best and am I being selfish. Yeah, I'm tired.

At dinner tonight, Hunter was talking about his NASCAR '09 video game and how instead of calling a pile up of cars a "pile-up", the video commentators will call it a "dam of cars." I could tell he was questioning the word a little bit and why it was on his game, so I re-explained what a dam is and how it works to block off a river and create a lake behind it, ergo, the front cars in the wreck would cause a dam and block off the run of other cars behind it and create a pile up.

"But," I warn, "be careful how and where you use that word, because someone else could think that you are using a 'bad' word."

To that Hunter answered, "Okay, Mom, I'll just use the good dam word."

Was it wrong for me to bust out laughing at the sound of that? I think not.

No, I have not abandoned this blog in favor of the more fun HES2 Motorsports one. But everytime I think of something I could blog about here, I have to stop and tell myself that type of information is probably best kept to oneself or just between a friend or two - not potentially anyone with a computer.

Things are crabby around here. Hubby works at the church and one of the two "BIG" times of the year is upon us, so crab, crab, crab while preparing to lead others in worship. Yeah, I see how that works.

Anyway, that being said and the fact that I if I think about it, it is a rare occasion that I can have any time at all by myself without total chaos raining down on me once I reappear (thus not ever wanting to leave), I'll just wait until after the holiday and see how things go.

Until then, yeah, I'm still here. Breathing. Hanging on. Sigh.

Funny how our fears change and grow as we age. Yeah, I know, they grow and change because we learn more and more but we don't know enough to keep all the fears at bay. Our pastor did a sermon series on fears recently. I sat there thinking, I really don't have these fears. I don't fear the economy. I don't fear loss. I don't fear disease. Not that I'm covering myself in a bubble and pretending the problems aren't there, but I just know that I am not in control of these things and that I just have to rely on the One who is in control and let Him take care of it, right?

But it is interesting to see fears that manifest in our wee ones. Hunter asks his Daddy every night to feel his heart. Hunter is concerned that his heart will stop beating because he heard something at church about the "ticker" runs the body and if the ticker stops, so does the body. So when he can't feel a big strong heartbeat - you know, like when you are relaxed and laying in bed and it is kind of soft feeling - he has fear of his ticker stopping.

Hadyn is tough. She is strong. She is Princess Warrior. God's warrior. But even the Princess Warrior's armour can be breached if the right fear finds it's way in. Last night, fear appeared in her bath water: the dreaded....the evil.....the despised....FLOATING POOPY!!! She screamed forever and shook like she was in shock over it. It took both mom and dad to calm her down and clean everything up.

Yuk. Come to think of it, maybe I do have fears....cleaning up after my children! Arrrrghhhhhh!!

This post may better belong on my HES2 Motorsports blog, but I think I'll put it here.

I am nervous. My baby boy is kart racing today. Daddy is nervous. His son is racing today. Of course, this is the first race of his life and I'm sure our nerves will be somewhat better for the races to come, but for this one, I think we are both basket cases.

But it is interesting to see how we both handle it. Last night I was busily scurrying around making lists and getting thing pre-prepared to pack and go this morning. The kids were bathed and in bed and I was ready to relax. Dad, however, seems agitated about something. He looked like he was about to puke. I looked over to see Scott putting on his shoes to go somewhere - at night - with the kids in bed. "Where are you going?" I ask curiously. "I have to get some air."

After a little while of tring to calm down, Scott finally just went to bed and was up a 4am this morning with nerves still getting him. Bless his heart. I slept like a rock. But this morning is when the nerves are hitting me. Do I have everything we'll need? Can I eat something without hurling it? Are we ready to go? Will it be therepeutic to type this all up on a blog for everyone else to see? Am I just asking too many questions?

Sigh. I am ready. But we could all sure use some prayers today!!

One of my favorite books - back in the day when I actually had the focus to sit down and read - is Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. They discuss the woman's heart, from God's point of view. Basically, women, until we know better, base our relationship with our Heavenly Father on the relationship we had/have with our earthly father. And every little girl just wants her daddy to tell her how captivating she is.

Hadyn will hang out in the bathroom with me watching me put on my makeup. Of course, she has to have everything done that mommy is doing. So, we have our little routine of putting on "mate-up". I will dust a little very light colored eyeshadow on her little bitty lids. She closes her big blue eyes and lets me "beautify" her. Of course, I am very careful to tell her that we (yes, mommy, too) are very beautiful without the makeup, but that it just brightens our beauty a little bit.

Then she will run straight out to her daddy and close her eyes so he can see her beautiful "mate-up". Scott, being a wonderful daddy, will oooh and ahhh over her and tell her how beautiful she is. I swear I see that little bitty float four inches off the ground as she runs into the next room to get back to playtime. And all it took was a "wow" from her daddy.

I pray that this relationship grows and continues with the two of them. It is so sweet to watch now.

In thinking about discussions I have had with different people regarding different religious/spiritual beliefs, I had a visual metaphor pop into my head. I’d like to share.

Imagine yourself on a lake with nice smooth waters and just warm enough to really enjoy being in. Then you decide to go water-skiing. Most people would be on their skis in the water with a rope connected to a boat ready to be pulled up to their feet and go skiing. However, you are in the water with skis on, but no boat.

The people behind all sorts of boats are pulled to their feet and are being towed off into different directions…all of who seem to be willing participants in this activity. Now, some of these people could be speeding in directions that will lead them into danger, but they are going anyway. Some are willingly heading another direction toward rough waters even though they have been told repeatedly and shown evidence that is not the direction they need to go in. And then some are going into waters that are even better than what they are currently in and will enjoy skiing in the best environment they could ever imagine. Then of course there are some people who don’t believe in boats and so they just don’t even get into the water.

Yet here you are in the water. You are just sitting in the water trying to ski on your own. You have nothing to pull you up; no support. You look at all the types of boats going in different directions but are worried about which brand of boat is best for you. But instead of listening to the words and advice of other trusted people and reading the research for yourself about which boat is best for you, you just sit and try to do it on your own. And go nowhere.

So you have a choice to make, sit in the water going nowhere or picking a boat.

What kind of boat would you choose?